Busy

I missed my weekly post on Sunday. But I had good reason. I wasn't here!
I simply haven't had time to blog... but I plan to, it's just now it is almost 10:30 and I must get to bed.

Random

It's really crazy that it is Sunday and I'm not even dreading it being over or the fact that Monday and another work week is looming. I don't remember the last time that happened.

Tony and I rode bikes the other day and I thought I was going to die. I literally thought I was going to have a heart attack, pass out and die. I felt so pitiful and weak and just....yeah. I felt like a 2372934723947 pound 73 year old woman. That shiz is not going to fly. If anything is going to make me crack down on it that will.

Today my sister, mom and nieces went to Wisner to this house where they plant 100's of tulips every year. This made me happy since that's my favorite flower. We had so much fun. My nieces and I in the back playing our DS's and all of us dancing and singing along to music. Lots of laughs. It was great girl family time. I had such a spring-y day. I even wore my springy-ist outfit. I love spring! (pics from that will be on my photoblog soon, the link is over on my favorite links)

Speaking of DS's, the new and improved one is fixing to come out and I think that's a perfect time to get my own instead of having to use Tony's! ;)

I've been reading some really awesome books lately. Right now I'm reading a re-telling of Beauty and the Beast, and it's making me miss B&tB time at the Strauss. I've never been more proud of my husband than seeing him perform as the Beast. He just blew me away all 2934723974 times I went to see it!! I got a taste of what it feels like to be a parent and watch your kid do something like that...I would get soooo nervous, so scared he would mess up.. my heart would not stop racing the whole time, my palms would be sweaty, I would tear up everytime he sang... it was really kind of ridiculous lol. The greatest cast, and music.... it made me fire up the B&tB soundtrack today.... maybe I'll even have to watch the movie again! But that's really a watch-with-friends-in-your-pjs-with-chocolate-and-popcorn kinda movie.

I could blabber on randomly all night but it's getting late so I must get to bed.
*walks off singing "little tooooown....little quiet villageeee....everyday........ like the one beforeeeee..."

Quinch The Thirst Of My Soul

Man what an epic title!!!

I got to ride a horse again today for the first time in about 3 years.

I cannot describe how amazing it was. My heart soared!

Hopefully it will be much more often now.

*squee!*

More Job Talk

Sitting here with a weekend in front of me, with my legs tucked up underneath me, jamming to some new music on iTunes, drinking some tea....

I can't believe I have a job that I love. I mean I really truly cannot believe it. For so long this has evaded me. I can't remember the last time I had a job that I didn't come home crying from. Or at the very least hate. Well I do remember, I loved my Orthopedic Clinic job. Um, that ended in '04. Yeah, I have paid my dues. I am owed this. And in this economy I am not taking one second for granted. I might say I am tired, and I might not want to get up in the morning at first.. but I am human. I really do love it. *thinks how that just blows her mind that she said that*

I used to tell myself that they don't write books and direct movies and sing songs about jobs. All that is about love. Heartache. Friends. Family. Dreams. Love. I had all that was really and truly important. I used to console myself that I have had for 5 great years now what everyone wants, what everyone dreams of. Love. Not just that, but love that stories are written about. The kind of tale about how a maiden and a prince over-came trials and tribulations for years and years only because of their deep abiding yearning for each other, to be re-united in the end and because of their love they save the world and live in happiness to be 23948723947 years old. I still believe that. I don't approve of people who make work their life.. sacrificing time with family and friends... never taking their vacation days... working their life and soul away...because family and friends and love is most important. But there was always something missing. You have to have that other part too, to be able to live your life. It's just finding the balance between the two. Because you also can't not have it. So it's the best thing ever to finally have that other side. The work life. Something to be proud of.

My job is so cool and grown up. I freaked out the other day about my name being there at the bottom of two very important documents. "Prepared by: Kim Sanson, Document Specialist" on one and "Please sign and return to: Kim Sanson, Lien Release Processing". I mean, lawyers and county court judges and clients are going to see these papers, and see my name. Teehee!! I was so proud and everyone was laughing at me. Only people in New Jersey will see it though. I only do New Jersey. Don't ask me why. But I think it's cool. New Jersey is a bad ass. ;-) I also love how I have to use my badge to get into the front door, and then again to get into my department. If someone wants to come eat lunch with me in the cafeteria one day, they have to wait for me with the security guard at the front desk until I come get them, and then they can't leave my sight until they leave. I have to lock my computer and desk when I get up to go to the bathroom, and I can't leave any documents on my desk when I leave for the day. I feel like I'm working for the FBI sometimes! It's awesome.

I guess it was a good sign in the beginning that I could just be myself. Usually I am very hindered at work, I get very timid and shy and scared to do anything. Until a long while passes and I get to know everyone... but even then I stress out about everything. But from the first day of "class" I was very open and outspoken and making jokes and making everyone laugh. That's really how I am when I'm at my most comfortable and natural state. Everything just clicked. So everyone loves me in my department, we have alot of fun. :-)

And once again, it's about freaking time!! I deserve it! The odd thing is the hardest thing has been letting myself deserve it and letting myself be happy. I think alot of women have that problem for some reason. But it's ok I'm getting pretty good at it now. ;-)

Well I feel better now. I felt like for my sake I just had to do one more post update about my job. Since the last one was my first day. Now that I'm (mostly) settled into it. To get it all off my chest. *breathes deeply*

Now I'm off to enjoy my stay-up-late-Friday!

My First Day

First days suck.
They are awkward, tiring, confusing, and hard. You have to figure out everything from the basics (where is the bathroom?) to the not-so-basic (what in the world am i going to be DOING exactly?). You don't know anyone, everyone is nervous. You feel like you are under so much pressure because all eyes are on you. There are so many things to worry about. You hope the oh-so-important first impression you are giving off is good, you hope people will like you. I could go on all day.

That being said, I had an awesome first day!!! All that stupid stuff was in place, yes. I also could NOT sleep last night so I only got about 5 hours...but as far as first days go, it was the best I've ever had.

I am too terribly excited that I get my own cubicle. Hah. Well, I'm sorry, it makes me happy. I was praying that I'd get my own cubicle. Not everyone in my new-hire group does. The in-bound and out-bound people don't get one. They have to be in a big room that's hot and stuffy and sit at tables. But us cool & awesome lien- release people? Oh yeah, we are on the floor and get our own cubicle. It's HUGE too. I mean really huge. It's all secluded and quiet. We can even use our cellphones at our desk, in moderation of course) I haven't gotten to actually sit there and stock it with pretty new supplies and get all homey yet, I can't wait until I get to do that. The best part?? I get to bring my radio and/or ipod and headphones and listen to music while I work! These two things on their own were enough to make my day.

Just some random thoughts about my day:
I can tell already my supervisor is awesome. I mean really.
I like every single person in my new-hire group (there are about 15 of us).
I loved the guy who taught our class today, and his co-teacher turned out to be one of my best friend's fiance's brother! So we talked all day.
I've already made two friends, Tammy and Andrea. Chris and Brittany are pretty cool too. (They are all in my department)
I was in a training class all day today just learning about the company... so I didn't have to worry about too much. I learned some very intersting stuff. For example, the whole Aaron Burr/Alexander Hamilton incident (remember the infamous milk commercial?) That whole fight was bout Burr wanting to make "Chase" (wasn't called that back then) into a bank, and Hamilton wanting to keep it a water company. Well, thanks for having the faster trigger finger Mr. Burr! Oh, and sorry Mr. Hamilton.. it didn't turn out so well for him. :-/
I'm SO glad I got my hair cut before this because it was cute and hassle-free all day.
I looked very cute today and was totally comfy.
Lunch was very awkward but it was free because it was our first day and the cafeteria is great. It has everything you'd ever need, including a grill where they will fry you up a hamburger or whatever on the spot.
I don't get paid until the 31st. Holy crap!
I love that it is such a grown up job. I mean...it's a real career-type job.
I get to wear jeans.
They gave us our own Chase mugs. It's the little things that make me happy :)
Going to bed at a good time really sucks for me. I love staying up late.

The supervisors and team-leads tried their hardest to make it an upbeat fun day. Their caring and effort won me over immediately. You just feel safe with them and feel like you chose a great place to work. I know each day will get easier, and I can't wait until I can just come in, put my headphones on, and do my work w/out asking a billion questions like I know I'll be doing in the next few weeks.
It just feels right, and it's only the first day.

Oh and I'm extremely tired. /long drawn out sigh. It's been a day!!

...but a good day. :)

Keeping It Together

I am so far anyway. It's only Sunday.

I have gotten so much done I'm very proud of myself.

I'm going shopping for new work clothes tomorrow. I want to go mid-morning of a Monday so there will be as few people as possible. Besides, after Wednesday when is the next time I'll be able to go for a leisurely stroll through the mall on a Monday morning? Hehe.

I hope I don't get TOO nervous Wednesday. I know I will, I just hope it's not too bad. I absolutely hate first days. There is nothing worse in my opinion. I hate first weeks too. I'm not being negative, it's just a plain simple fact.

I am also terribly excited though, so hopefully that will outweigh the nervousness a tad bit.

I've had a nice alone-time weekend to reflect, rest and relax. I've gotten stuff done, but also done nothing. The best of both worlds. I've had awesome games to play and an awesome book to read. My hubby has been off work too so it's been great to just hang out with him, he keeps me calm and happy.

So here's hoping I can remain calm, take deep breaths and remember that I am awesome and smart and capable.... and the fact that no one knows what the heck they are doing their first week!!

The Plan

Goal for this week: Get closet cleaned out, go through all clothes and put in a bag what doesn't fit anymore instead of saying "oh I just have to loose some weight and I'll be able to wear this" so I can see exactly what I need for my new job! Times like these I love my iPod and iPod radio.

Also I am cleaning out other crap from my room and the closet... to make room for only the things I need. There are still college text books from 5 years ago in there. These kinds of things have to go.

All this is happening because Tony and I have decided to stay here atleast a few more months. I am bound and determined to finally save up some money. I am so excited to finally have a great job and that means income. With this I plan on getting back where I used to be.

When I first started out on my own, I lived with my brother in this great little house. I worked and went to school. I paid close attention to the money. I was extremely proud of the fact that I was so organized with my bills, I was never late on paying anything, my checkbook was always balanced. I put a portion of every single paycheck into both savings and my 401K. I had flawless credit. I was making a great start to my future. I was determined to never let any of that slip away.

Well, it did. I don't know where it all went wrong. Maybe the fact that I had an overbearing, penny pinching dad growing up who drilled it into our heads to be this way and instilled a fear of not having money later on in life if your not careful was exactly the thing that eventually made me stop paying attention. Maybe it was some sort of rebellion. It was not easy growing up in a household like that. It certainly did not help that I lost my job, got married and my husband and I started having job problems left and right. Alot of moving caused misplacement of bills, alot of job losses caused misplacement of income. All of that caused misplacement of hope.

Whatever the cause, whatever the problem, I am now rectifing it. For a while now I have been re-organized with the bills. I have been proud of myself for getting them all back to their minimum payments and keeping it all organized. I have been thinking about the future, and doing all in my power to make it better. That was one major good thing that came out of moving to Montgomery. That alone will keep me forever grateful for that decision, and the reason I will never say that move was a mistake.

But now I will have the income to make some major changes. It is a big , no, a huge step and makes me feel good inside. I actually have hope now. That's all I've needed for a long while now. Hope. Hope for getting things taken care of that have been sorely neglected, hope to be able to start a family, hope for a place of our own, hope for making mine and Tony's life together much better. I just have to remember to keep the blinders on...to not think about the past and how much time I feel like I have wasted because that is my biggest pitfall. Always look forward. What's done is done. All that matters is that after so long being stalled, I'm getting in gear.