Family

Well, following my disclaimer in my previous post, lol :


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I've been babysitting a whole lot for my sister lately. Every Mon, Wed and Fri are my days. (Except for circumstances like yesterday in which Sheri had something to do so they spent the night) I can't complain, I'm actually very happy about it. Sheri pays me very good money to feed the kids and read and play RockBand. Well it's alot more than that, they keep me running and tired, but there's no way I can complain about my "job". I just have to remind myself of that someti - ok alot of times during the day. They are so freakin' cute and just melt my heart half the day. (like this morning when I crawled into bed with them and they snuggled up to me) But the other half I just want to put them in a room and tell them not to talk to me for about 3 hours! Sometimes they are impossible and I want to give them back to their mom very very very very very very very very very much!! They are also impossible to keep fed. Do you know one reason I know Tony and I arn't ready for kids? We couldn't afford the grocery bill!!!!!! Anyway, Sheri has done so much for me that I am, in the end, happy to do it for her. Like I said, I'd be crazy to complain about it. It's been an adventure I'll say that!

I actually worry alot about motherhood. I worry that I'll never want kids. Babysitting has made me feel even more that way. And I'm getting paid to do it! I guess it's different though when they're your own kids. I mean I want kids, but I don't want kids. Does that make sense? I don't want to give up my "me" time. My alone time. I have lots of it and I love it. That's so selfish. I worry that something is wrong with me. Some nights I'll go to Tony just sobbing about fears of never wanting kids and not being a good mother. It's just weird. Some days I'll want to start a family so badly, but most days I don't. I'll get that twinge every now and then. I just haven't gotten to the point yet I guess where I believe I could do it. I'm alot further along than I used to be, but no where near I think I should be. I mean, shouldn't a 27 year old woman who has been married for 4 years be ready? /Sigh. But I think alot of it has to do with, if Tony and I had a baby right now, we would be screwed. Because we do not have the money for that. I think once we get in a good place job and money wise, I'll feel alot differently. I hope so.


I was very very happy I got to spend lots of time with my other sister Kristy when she was in town. The last few times I have either completely missed her or only seen her for a second. So it's been a long long time since I got to spend a good bit of time with her. Truthfully it's because I just didn't make it a top priority to see her, but this time I did. I told everyone I couldn't do anything Saturday night cause I was spending it with her and Sheri. It made me feel so good because I never thought I spent enough time with the family. Especially my sisters. I mean I would go out to Calhoun every weekend to see the parents before they left on their big trip, (and Sheri because she would be out there every weekend as well) and Kristy lives in Missouri so I hardly get to see her anyway, but I still felt like I didn't talk to enough/spend enough time with them. I know I don't call/email Kristy enough. I think because there is a really big age difference between my sisters and I, so it just took a while for me to want to keep in touch with them more. I've always thought family was #1, but, I guess with age you realize even more how important they are.

When I drove up to Sheri's house, all four kids, my nieces and nephew, were out in the driveway waiting on me and ran up to hug me. It did my heart good. I could not believe how much my nephew and niece had grown. Christopher is a freshman in high school now, and he is so .....grown up. Not annoying in the slightest (which is huge cause he was a very annoying child and pre-teen), holding just regular adult conversations with me.....crazy. Brittany is the cutest thing EVER. I told Kristy she was staying with me and I was going to adopt her. I wouldn't really though cause she is a MESS. I'd rather babysit Tyler and Rachel than Brit anyday. lol! I did my good deed for the month too, Sunday I kept all four kids at my house while Sheri and Kristy stole away to go see Sex & The City together. It just made their year. You should have seen all four kids from ages 7 to 15 playing RockBand. hahahaha That was a crazy 2 and a half hours here at the house.

I've been playing lots of Indiana Jones Legos on Xbox. It's great of course, but I can't wait for Batman Legos!!!
I finished Amber and Blood and sadly, it didn't do much for me. :( It was amazing to see so much of the gods' points of view, cause we never see that in Dragonlance, but that was about all that was amazing. I'm used to Dragonlance wowing me. This one just fell flat. I kept waiting for that gasp moment or....something. That made me sad. NOT to mention the fact that they need to hire me as an editor (or whoever the person who catches mistakes is called) at wizards of the coast because there were SO many mistakes (even a paragraph printed twice) in that book it was so distracting. It made me mad cause I'm a freak about that.

I had lots more to blog about but this is way long as it is and that just gives me more for another day. I guess one good thing about going so long w/out blogging is you have alot to say!